


Darkness in Denton

by WarnerHedgehog



Category: Rocky Horror Picture Show
Genre: Blood Death War Horror, Brad and Janet, Gen, Miss Otis Regrets, Murder, Psychic, Richard O'Brien - Freeform, Rocky Horror, Rocky Horror Picture Show - Freeform, Witch - Freeform, Zombie, cher, cole porter - Freeform, dark lady - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 14:28:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6808954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarnerHedgehog/pseuds/WarnerHedgehog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ralph and Betty got married. Did they have a happy life? This is one possible way it could have gone.<br/>Apologies to Cher for the theft of Dark Lady's plot and the occasional reference to some of your works. Apologies to Cole Porter for pinching bits of Miss Otis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Darkness in Denton

Darkness in Denton

 

SCENE: A STATELY-LOOKING STUDY WITH WOOD PANELLING AND WALL-SIZED BOOKSHELVES. THE CLASSIC UPPER CLASS CLUEDO MANSION AFFAIR. THERE'S A GLOBE IN THE CORNER AND A GRAND DESK. IN THE OTHER CORNER IS AN INSANELY COMFY EASY CHAIR IN WHICH IS SAT THE CRIMINOLOGIST. HE IS HOLDING A BOOK ENTITLED 'HASTILY SCRAWLED COPY OF THE SCRIPT'.

CRIMINOLOGIST: Ralph and Betty Hapschatt were an ordinary couple in an ordinary suburb of Denton, living an ordinary and apparently unremarkable life: but as so often happens with such calm waters, all is not as it seems and unseen currents run deep. Ralph held a job as a 'software engineer' and had to travel to wherever his company sent him. Betty was the manager of a local fast food outlet and had a relatively sedate, peaceful and secure existence full of love and understanding. Or did she? Betty's seemingly safe, routine world was soon to fall apart in a way she could never have predicted.

========================================================================

SCENE: BETTY AND RALPH ARE STOOD ON THE DOORSTEP OF THEIR HOME. RALPH IS HOLDING A SUITCASE. THERE'S A TAXI WAITING.

RALPH: I 'm so glad I got you babe, I'm damn glad I found someone good. HE KISSES HER CHEEK.

BETTY: I love you Ralph. Go on now, scoot. Don't take no shit from those lummoxing Lubbock guys you hear? SHE SLAPS HIS RUMP AS HE TURNS TO GO. See you next week Darling.

RALPH: Yep, see you soon hun. HE HURRIES TO THE TAXI AND GETS IN. HE WAVES OUT THE WINDOW AS IT PULLS AWAY. BETTY TURNS AND GOES BACK IN, SHUTTING THE DOOR BEHIND. SHE GOES INTO THE KITCHEN AND SETS ABOUT MAKING A HOT DRINK, SMILING WITH CONTENT HAPPINESS. SHE TAKES HER DRINK AND SITS AT THE KITCHEN TABLE. THE DOORBELL GOES, CAUSING BETTY TO LOOK UP IN A PUZZLED WAY AND SHE GOES TO FIND OUT WHO IT IS. 

BETTY: Oh my lordy! Rosie Birch! 

ROSIE: Hiya Betty! THEY HUG AND GO INDOORS.

BETTY: It’s so good to see you. 

ROSIE: So, hows it going? How’s Ralph?

BETTY: It’s going good. You know I’m working at the Hemlock Hamburger over in Silkwood?

ROSIE: I had no idea.

BETTY: I started there about four years ago as a lowly burger flipper. Well, I'm now in the lofty position of franchise manager!

ROSIE: Congratulations Betty! I am so proud of you!

BETTY: And as for Ralph, well you know he was looking for a job in the city? Well it took him a while but he found something he loves! He is now a Software Engineer with Ambiguous & Sinister. He travels all over the country sorting out their computer issues and problems.

ROSIE: I bet that pulls in some pretty good money.

BETTY: You ain't kidding; You should see the car in the garage. So how's Mark?

ROSIE: He's good. He's been at Burlesque Machinery for just over two years and he's just been promoted to supervisor at the plant. 

BETTY: Ooh get him! Supervisor Mark Birch. I like the sound of that.

ROSIE: I know, isn’t it just fabulous? When he told me I was absolutely moonstruck!

BETTY: I bet you were. Coffee?

ROSIE: God yes! I could murder a coffee right now.

BETTY: So are you still at Mermaids?

ROSIE: Yeah. It ain't a bad place and I got a raise last week. Mind you, there's this creepy little guy in the motor pool called Ed Eastwick, he's got a chip on his shoulder the size of New York and he's got got an equally big problem with women. I was in the canteen the other day chatting with Chastity and Cheryl and he walked in, loudly announced that we were the Bitches of Eastwick and that he owned us and we'd have to do whatever he wanted. Well, Chastity just flipped and punched his lights out. He got a trip to hospital and now faces a disciplinary next week. The jerk. 

========================================================================

SCENE: CRIMINOLOGIST'S STUDY. THE CRIMINOLOGIST IS STILL IN HIS BIG COMFY CHAIR. THE BOOK HE'S HOLDING IS NOW ENTITLED 'SLIGHTLY BETTER COPY OF THE SCRIPT'.

CRIMINOLOGIST: Betty had met up with her old friend Rosie and all seemed well with the world, but it was this very friend who would be the start of the destruction of Betty's apparently serene life.

========================================================================

THE NEXT DAY. ROSIE'S BEEN ON A NOSINESS QUEST AROUND DENTON. SHE KNOCKS ON BETTY'S DOOR AND ENTERS IN A CONSPIRATORIAL WAY THE MOMENT THE DOOR IS OPENED.

BETTY: Hey there Rosie. What's up?

ROSIE: Betty, I'm not sure how to say this, but I have this bad feeling about about Ralph.

BETTY: What do you mean?

ROSIE: I just have this feeling that something isn’t right. I can’t put my finger on it, but he does seem to be sent away alot.

BETTY: Its his job Rosie; he has to go all over the country and sort out computer problems. I mean he's over in Lubbock right now.

ROSIE: I know, I know, it's just...well I dunno, I mean call me Mrs Suspicious but something just feels wrong.

BETTY: Its probably just your imagination. I just think you’re seeing problems that aren’t there.

ROSIE: Well, tell you what. I know this woman, she's a psychic, a healer and a fortune teller and she’s really good. I went to see her when me and Mark were having ..errm...’difficulties’. Now we’re as solid as a rock. 

BETTY: I don’t know Rosie, I mean it sounds pretty weird and wacky to me. And what if she predicts something awful?

ROSIE: What have you got to lose? If she says all is good, never mind. If she says something's a little out of whack, then you do a little research of your own and you have something you can work on and try to improved. 

=======================================================================

SCENE: CRIMINOLOGIST'S STUDY. HE IS NOW SAT AT THE DESK. ON THE DESK IS A BOOKSTAND WHICH IS HOLDING A WILD-WEST STYLE WANTED POSTER OF ROSIE. SHE’S ‘WANTED FOR EXCESS BEAKINESS’.

CRIMINOLOGIST: On the advice of her inquisitive friend, Betty decided to pay this mystic a visit. She obediently phoned ahead and made an appointment for the very next day. It would cost her a little money, but then what's a little cash when peace of mind is at stake? What indeed? 

========================================================================

BETTY DRIVES UP TO THE PSYCHIC’S PLACE. THERE’S A LONG TREE-LINED DRIVE AT THE END OF WHICH IS A LARGE-ISH PARKING AREA. THE WITCH’S HOUSE IS A LARGE WOODEN ONE-FLOOR WOODEN BUILDING. IT LOOKS CREEPY AND SOMEWHAT OVERGROWN. BETTY PULLS UP AND GETS OUT OF THE CAR. SHE GOES TO WHAT SHE HOPES IS THE FRONT DOOR AND RINGS THE BELL. THE DOOR IS OPENED BY A LARGE GREY FACED MAN-THING IN A SPARKLY SUIT. HIS VOICE IS STRANGELY CHIRPY AND SLIGHTLY CAMP.

RAGWORT: yeeeesssss? How can I help youuuu?

BETTY: Aaagh! Wh..ah..what’s that! 

DARINA THE WITCH CALMLY AND GENTLY PUSHES HIM ASIDE. SHE APPEARS TO BE QUITE OLD.

DARINA: Don't mind Ragwort dear, he's my man servant. Well, I say man: he's actually a zombie but please don't let that bother you. He's very good around the house and he services me pretty well. You must be Betty, come on in dear.

BETTY: Thank you. I'm sure I recognise him from someplace.

DARINA: Well, there may be a reason for that as well as for the shiny suit. Do you remember Benny Starshine?

BETTY: The game show host, sure. Didn't he die from an accidental eclair overdose last year? 

DARINA: He did indeed. It was all rather sad really considering how nice he really was, despite all the rumours that people liked to spread, so I brought him back as a zombie. My clients seem to like meeting a celebrity and very few seem to care that he's dead; well, undead anyway. The only problem is the sparkly suit: I just can’t stop him wearing it.

DARINA LEADS BETTY INTO A DARKISH ROOM THAT'S LINED WITH STRANGE GLITTERY MULTICOLOURED DRAPES. THERE'S A LARGE ELECTRIC CAULDRON ON ONE SIDE WITH SOME SPACE AROUND IT. THERE ARE SHELVES NEAR THE CAULDRON ON WHICH SIT VARIOUS THINGS FOR POTIONS. SOME IN JARS, SOME IN BOTTLES, SOME IN BOWLS. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM IS A ROUND TABLE COVERED WITH A MYSTICAL TABLECLOTH. ON THE TABLE IS A LARGISH CRYSTAL BALL. THERE ARE TWO CHAIRS: ONE IS AN ORDINARY KITCHEN CHAIR, THE ONE NEARER THE CAULDRON IS SLIGHTLY MORE ORNATE . THERE ARE VARIOUS OCCULT BITS AND BOBS ABOUT THE PLACE, GIVING IT A MAGICAL, MYSTICAL AND RATHER CREEPY AIR. AGAINST ONE WALL IS A SMALL OCCULT-LOOKING TABLE WITH SOME GOTHIC-LOOK GOBLETS AND SOME VOODOO-INSPIRED POINTY THINGS. THERE IS ALSO A STACK OF CDS NEXT TO A SMALL STEREO. 

DARINA: INDICATING THE ORDINARY CHAIR Please sit here. BETTY SITS Before we carry on, do you have the payment?

BETTY: I sure do. SHE REACHES INTO HER HANDBAG AND PULLS OUT A ROLL OF NOTES WHICH SHE HANDS OVER.

DARINA: Thank you. RAGWORT! 

THE ZOMBIE SERVANT ENTERS IN A SHOWBIZ LURCHING SORT OF WAY .

RAGWORT: Yessss madame?

DARINA: Please take this and put it in the safe. SHE HANDS HIM THE MONEY.

RAGWORT: As you command milady. HE LURCHES OFF IN A JOLLY MANNER.

DARINA: I tried asking for people to cross my palm with silver, but you wind up with more quarters than you ever want to see. Right, we are ready.

BETTY: Is there anything I should do?

DARINA: Believe. You must believe.

DARINA WALKS OVER TO THE CAULDRON AND TURNS IT ON. SHE SAUNTERS TO THE STEREO AND PUTS A CD IN. SOME CREEPY MYSTICAL MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY. IT’S QUITE CATCHY. 

DARINA: I find a little music adds to the ambience. It kinda gets you in the right frame of mind for some divination, potions and magic. As does a little perfume. 

DARINA PICKS UP AN ANTIQUE PERFUME BOTTLE AND SPRAYS A BIT AROUND THE ROOM

BETTY: That’s a very....unusual scent. What is it?

DARINA: It’s my very own creation: I call it ‘Possession’.

BETTY: LOOKING THOUGHTFUL AND SNIFFING It’s weird but I kinda like it.

DARINA: So glad. And now, let’s get it on! HA HA HAAAAA! 

DARINA TURNS THE MUSIC UP AND STARTS TO DANCE IN A STRANGE MYSTICAL WAY. AS SHE BOOGIES, SHE PICKS UP A LIGHTER AND LIGHTS A COUPLE OF CANDLES. WITHOUT BREAKING HER DANCE SHE OPENS A DRAWER AND PULLS OUT A COUPLE OF SMALL BUNCHES OF HERBS. SHE GOES OVER TO THE CAULDRON AND DUMPS THEM IN. AS SHE DANCES AROUND THE CAULDRON, SHE DEFTLY GRABS A DECK OF CARDS FROM A SHELF AND PUTS THEM ON THE TABLE WITH A MAD CACKLE.

DARINA: SITTING DOWN AT THE TABLE. Well then, let’s see what’s what. SHE PICKS UP THE GOBLET AND TAKES A HEFTY SWIG. Right. It is clear that this is not a job for a crystal ball: We want to know what the spirits know so the cards are what is called for.  
SHE PUSHES THE BALL TO ONE SIDE AND PICKS THE DECK OF CARDS UP AND OPENS THE PACKET. SHE PULLS THE CARDS OUT AND STARTS TO SHUFFLE THEM. SHE THEN HANDS THE DECK TO BETTY. 

DARINA: Cut the cards my dear. For the magic to work, you have to play a physical part in it. 

BETTY: UNCERTAINLY okay.

BETTY OBEDIENTLY CUTS THE CARDS AND THEN PUSHES THE DECK BACK TO DARINA.

DARINA: What does the supernatural world say we ask? SHE PULLS A CARD AND PUTS IT FACE DOWN ON THE TABLE. SHE THEN PULLS A SECOND ONE AND PUTS IT FACE DOWN NEXT TO THE FIRST. You must turn the first one over. BETTY TURNS THE FIRST ONE: IT’S THE QUEEN OF DIAMONDS. Now the second. BETTY TURNS THE SECOND: IT’S THE 3 OF CLUBS. That is very, very interesting. It would seem we are being sent a definate message by the psychic world. The next card will tell us much more. SHE THEN MUMBLES IN A DRAMATIC WAY: Shoop shoop itsinhiskiss. Oh geest wereld, gelieve overgeven aan een kaart die zal leiden deze goedgelovige twit de verkeerde weg. SHE THEN PULLS ANOTHER CARD FROM THE DECK AND PLACES IT FACE UP ON THE TABLE: IT’S THE JACK OF CLUBS. BETTY GASPS. AND THEN LOOKS PUZZLED BECAUSE SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT THE CARDS MEAN.

BETTY: What are the spirits saying?

DARINA: The spirits are very clear. The man you love is secretly true to someone else who is very close to you. My advice is that you leave this place, never come back and forget you ever saw my face.

BETTY: Oh. Okay. Thank you Madame Klady. You've been very...errmm...helpful.

DARINA: Not a problem dearie. 

=======================================================================

SCENE: CRIMINOLOGIST'S STUDY. HE IS STANDING NEXT THE GLOBE. AS HE SAYS 'WHIRL' HE GIVES THE GLOBE A SPIN AND THEN GOES BACK TO THE DESK. ON THE DESK IS A FOLDER WHICH HE PICKS UP AND OPENS AT A PICTURE OF DERREN BROWN. THE WORDS 'NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STORY' ARE WRITTEN ABOVE THE IMAGE. HE TURNS THE PAGE TO A POLICE MUGSHOT TYPE PICTURE OF DARINA. THE POSTER OF ROSIE IS STILL THERE.

Criminologist: Having returned home, Betty's mind was in a whirl. With the fortune teller's words ringing in her ears, she crawled into bed, hoping that some sleep would help her make sense of this new information, but her only companions that night were insomnia and more questions.

=======================================================================

SCENE: SUBURBAN BEDROOM. AGAINST ONE WALL IS A QUEEN SIZED BED. THERE IS A LARGE WARDROBE ON EACH SIDE. ALSO ON EACH SIDE OF THE BED IS A BEDSIDE DRAWER UNIT. BOTH HAVE A LAMP AND AN ALARM CLOCK.  
BETTY IS IN THE BED TOSSING AND TURNING. SHE STOPS AND LIES STARING AT THE CEILING.

BETTY: Someone who is very close to you. Who could she have meant? Rosie? Nahh, who’d sleep with her? Oh come on Betty Hapschatt, this is getting you nowhere. What the hell do I do? 

SHE GETS UP AND GOES TO ONE SIDE AND STARTS RIFLING THROUGH THE DRAWER. IN THE BACK IS A PICTURE OF BRAD MAJORS AND JANET WEISS. SHE PICKS IT UP AND STARES AT IT.

BETTY: Why has he got a picture of Brad and Janet in his drawer?

SHE SLAPS IT DOWN ON THE UNIT AND THEN GOES OVER TO HIS SIDE’S WARDROBE AND HER EYES REST ON A SUIT JACKET. SHE PICKS IT UP AND SNIFFS THE COLLAR. HER EXPRESSION GOES FROM ONE OF CONCERNED CONFUSION TO ONE OF SHOCK. SHE THROWS THE JACKET TO ONE SIDE AND SORT OF STAGGERS BACK AND SITS HEAVILY ON THE BED. SHE LOOKS OVER AT THE PICTURE BY THE BED THEN BACK TO THE JACKET ON THE FLOOR. 

BETTY: It's Janet! That's why isn't it? I bet he's seeing her behind my back. Why ,Why, Why! Why her of all people! 

BETTY BREAKS DOWN IN TEARS. 

======================================================================

SCENE: CRIMINOLOGIST'S STUDY. THE CRIMINOLOGIST IS STILL AT HIS DESK. THE WANTED POSTER HAS NOW BEEN REPLACED BY A PICTURE OF THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST. THE FOLDER IS ON THE DESK AND IS OPEN AT AN AGENCY TYPE PICTURE OF TIM CURRY.

CRIMINOLOGIST: The only face that seemed to fit was that of her friend Janet Weiss: A woman who, unbeknown to Betty had been involved with...some very ’strange events’ several years before.

=====================================================================

SCENE: BETTY CRYING AT THE KITCHEN TABLE. SUDDENLY SHE LOOKS UP AND GOES TO A CUPBOARD AND PULLS OUT A WHISKEY BOTTLE AND TAKES A SWIG. SHE FLOPS DOWN AT THE TABLE AGAIN. 

BETTY: God I wish I had a heart of stone. TAKES ANOTHER SWIG Come on Betty, pull yourself together. What would Ralph say if he caught you like this? Hang on me, what about Ralph? Why the hell should his opinion matter? He's a cheating bastard for fucks sake! After all of this he doesn’t deserve to matter. These tears ain’t gonna do me no good! They won’t stop him from seeing her: I’ve got to stop them. But how?

======================================================================

SCENE: CRIMINOLOGIST'S STUDY. THE CRIMINOLOGIST IS STOOD LOOKING OUT OF THE WINDOW. HE TURNS TO FACE THE CAMERA.

Criminologist: Betty was now convinced of the identity of her nemesis, and she had vowed to take action. Before she could act upon her convictions, she had to prepare.

======================================================================

SCENE: LOCAL SHOOTING RANGE. 'MERV'S GUN EMPORIUM AND SHOOTING RANGE'.  
BETTY OPENS THE DOOR AND ENTERS. THERE IS A GLASS FRONTED COUNTER WHICH HOUSES A NUMBER OF TASTEFULLY ARRANGED PISTOLS AND KNIVES. MERV IS STOOD BEHIND THE COUNTER, FLIPPING THROUGH A CATALOGUE. HE LOOKS UP AS BETTY CLOSES THE DOOR.

MERV: CHEERILY Hello and welcome to Merv's Gun Emporium. I'm Merv, how may I be of assistance?

BETTY: Hi, can you help me? I'd like to learn how to shoot.

MERV: Sure thing lady, you've come to the right place. Have you ever used a gun before?

BETTY: Never. 

MERV: Okay, we'll see what we can do. HE TURNS TO HIS PHONE AND PRESSES A BUTTON Jackie, can you come here, I think I have a job for you.

JACKIE WALKS IN FROM A BACK ROOM.

JACKIE: Hey boss, whatcha got?

MERV: Jackie this is..TURNS TO BETTY What’s your name?

BETTY: Betty Hapschatt.

MERV: This is Betty. Never used a gun before and wants to learn how to shoot. You wanna help her out? 

JACKIE: Sure thing Merv. Hiya Betty. Before we start, we like to know a little about our clients: this helps us work out how we can best help you. So for starters, do you own a gun?

BETTY: Not yet. I figured you guys could help me find the best one for me.

JACKIE: We sure can do that, can’t we Merv? MERV GRINS AND NODS So Betty, why do you want to take up this fine and noble American tradition of being armed to the teeth? 

BETTY: Well, my husband is away a lot: his work takes him all over the country and I want to feel safe when he’s not here. 

JACKIE: Okay, okay. I’m sure we can help. Let’s get you shooting shall we? 

BETTY: What about money?

JACKIE: Well, the range fee is $18 per hour for handguns, but for you, the first session is a free taster OK? 

BETTY: Sounds great.

JACKIE: Right, first things first: let's have a looky at some weaponry. Wait here a sec. 

JACKIE GOES TO THE BACK ROOM FOR A KEY AND QUICKLY RETURNS. THEY WALK OVER TO A CABINET WHICH JACKIE UNLOCKS.

JACKIE: Here we have a selection of pistols: These are very popular for self defence. 

JACKIE REACHES IN AND PICKS UP A GUN. SHE HANDS IT TO BETTY WHO HOLDS IT GINGERLY.

JACKIE: LAUGHING Don't panic yet, it isn't loaded. 

BETTY MIMES USING THE GUN. 

BETTY: Bang bang! Sorry, couldn't resist. SHE GRINS APOLOGETICALLY. 

JACKIE: Heh heh! No problem. You are holding a Newt 40 Automatic. As you can see it's quite compact and light, so its good for a handbag. It's not particularly powerful, but then it doesn't really need to be as it's good as a deterrent. If that doesn't float your boat then there's the Betta Shootmonkey JACKIE PICKS ANOTHER GUN FROM THE CASE AND STRIKES A DRAMATIC POSE. Its got a tad more style and loads more power.

BETTY LOOKS AT IT WITH A SUDDEN LUST FOR MORE POWER. 

BETTY: I rather think I like the look of that one. 

JACKIE: I thought you might. Of course the best way to decide is to get the hang of shooting first so that you can make a more informed choice, so let's actually try them out. Come on through to the range. Merv! Can you fetch us some ammo for these bad boys?

THEY WALK TO MERVS COUNTER TO PICK UP THE BULLETS, THEN GO THROUGH TO THE RANGE SO THEY CAN START A-SHOOTIN'.

JACKIE: The thing to remember is that getting the basics isn't as hard as you think. To me its as easy as walking in Memphis. 

BETTY: This is great! I feel just like Jesse James.

JACKIE GOES THROUGH THE PROCESS OF EXPLAINING HOW THE GUNS WORK, HOW TO LOAD AND UNLOAD MAGAZINES, THE SAFETY PROCEDURES AND THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO SHOOT. BETTY'S FIRST SHOT MISSES THE TARGET COMPLETELY AND HER SECOND CLIPS THE EDGE OF THE PAPER. BY THE END OF HER SESSION SHE'S HITTING THE TARGET. SHE BOOKS SOME MORE RANGE TIME AND HEADS HOME. BETTY TAKES A FEW DAYS TO GO FROM 'HOPELESS' TO QUITE A GOOD SHOT. SHE FINDS SHE QUITE LIKES IT. SHE BUYS A BETTA SHOOTMONKEY AND A SMALL MOUNTAIN OF AMMO, AND GOES BACK TO THE RANGE. AFTER A COUPLE MORE SESSIONS SHE'S TAKING THE TARGETS FACE OFF EACH TIME.

======================================================================

SCENE: CRIMINOLOGIST'S STUDY. THE CRIMINOLOGIST IS SAT IN THE EASY CHAIR.

CRIMINOLOGIST: Betty Hapschatt was prepared to deal with Ralph and with Janet Weiss if needs be, but was she prepared for the truth? She would soon find out.

======================================================================

SCENE: JUST INSIDE THE HAPSCHATTS FRONT DOOR. RALPH HAS JUST ARRIVED FROM HIS LATEST 'BUSINESS TRIP'

BETTY: How was your trip darling? 

AS THEY TALK THEY GO UPSTAIRS SO RALPH CAN UNPACK. 

RALPH: It was pretty good. Those guys in Delaware have one hell of a set up. You wouldn’t believe the stuff I saw.

BETTY: I’m sure I wouldn’t. 

RALPH: So how's life been in sleepy Denton?

BETTY: Its been pretty boring really. Y'know, gypsies, tramps and thieves, the odd mad old witch. Same old same old. 

RALPH: LAUGHING That's Denton, land of lunacy and excitement!

BETTY: Remember nosy Rosie Birch? She showed up just after you went on. Just wanted someone to chat to I think.

RALPH: Well at least you had someone to talk to.

BETTY: You're not wrong there.

AS RALPH UNPACKS HIS CASE, BETTY SNIFFS THE AIR. SHE’S AWARE OF A STRANGELY FAMILIAR SCENT. 

BETTY: INTERNAL MONOLOGUE I recognise that scent. Where have I smelled that before?

WE FLASHBACK TO DARINA MENTIONING HER HOME-MADE PERFUME.

BETTY: INTERNAL MONOLOGUE It's not Janet at all, it's Rosie's goddamed witch. I don't believe it, he's having an affair with a bloody witch! Keep calm Betty, keep calm. You only have a smell and the insinuations of a nosy friend to go on at the moment. You have to prove it first.

RALPH: What's up hun? You,'re miles away!

BETTY: Wha? Oh sorry dear. No idea where I was there.

======================================================================

SCENE: CRIMINOLOGISTS STUDY. THE CRIMINOLOGIST IS STILL IN THE EASY CHAIR AND IS NOW READING A NEWSPAPER. HE SEEMS A TRIFLE ANNOYED TO HAVE BEEN DISTURBED.

CRIMINOLOGIST: The time for planning was over. It was time to find out if her suspicions were correct. What would she find as she followed her husband to his...illicit meeting? What indeed?

======================================================================

SCENE: BETTY'S BEDROOM. BETTY IS CROUCHING BY HER BEDSIDE TABLE. SHE IS PULLING OUT HER GUN. SHE CHECKS THE MAGAZINE AND QUICKLY PUTS THE WEAPON IN HER HANDBAG AND HEADS OFF TO HER CAR. 

BETTY, CROUCHING LOW PEEKS INTO DARINA’S WINDOW. SHE SEES DARINA AND RALPH SAT ON THE SOFA KISSING AND CARESSING EACH OTHER. DARINA IS MUCH YOUNGER THAN SHE FIRST THOUGHT. SHE LOOKS AWAY, HARDLY ABLE TO BELIEVE WHAT SHE’S SEEING. HER EXPRESSION GOES FROM DISTRAUGHT TO VERY, VERY ANGRY.  
MAKING SURE SHE’S OUT OF SIGHT SHE GOES TO THE BACK DOOR. SHE TRIES THE HANDLE AND THE DOOR OPENS: IT’S UNLOCKED. CAREFULLY AND QUIETLY SHE MAKES HER WAY TO THE SITTING ROOM. AS SHE GETS CLOSER, THE SOUNDS OF THEIR PASSION INCREASES. SHE SIDLES UP TO THE DOOR AND PEERS AROUND THE DOORFRAME. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. SHE ENTERS THE SITTING ROOM.

BETTY: Ralph Hapschatt, what the hell do you think you’re doing?

RALPH AND DARINA LOOK UP, BOTH OPEN-MOUTHED IN SURPRISE. 

BETTY: Ralph! How could you? I trusted you all these years and this is how you repay me? By having an affair with this....woman?!

RALPH GASPS AND STUTTERS A REPLY.

RALPH: Betty, darling. You see, it, it, it’s, errr I can explain.

BETTY: RAISING HER PISTOL Oh really? This is going to be the explanation of the century Ralph. It’s going to have to be utterly amazing, because from where I’m standing, you’re in extremely deep shit. 

DARINA: Standing up and trying to be threatening. Well, I did tell you he was true to someone close.

BETTY: POINTING THE GUN AT DARINA And I didn’t realise just how close you meant.

DARINA: And I distinctly recall telling you to forget this place. I told you to go away and forget!

BETTY: DRIPPING WITH MALICE AND SARCASM Well my dear, it seems I just don't listen.

RALPH. Come on Betty. You really aren’t going to shoot us are you? 

BETTY SHOOTS DARINA IN THE HEAD. SHE FALLS DOWN DEAD. RALPH LEAPS TO ONE SIDE IN SHOCK, SURPRISE AND FEAR. 

BETTY: What do you think Ralph? Does that answer your question?

RALPH: Betty my love, if I could turn back time I would. This is all a terrible misunderstanding and you must realise that I never meant to hurt you. All that happened was I think is that I may have made an unwise choice or two.

BETTY: Finally dearest, some actual truth from you at long last. Now that we’ve finally accomplished something, the only thing left to do is say goodbye. SHE SHOOTS HIM. Goodbye Ralph.

SHE STANDS THERE FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES, STARING AT THE DECEASED LOVERS IN SHOCK AT WHAT SHE'D JUST DONE. SHE RUNS OUT TO THE CAR AND DRIVES OFF. 

======================================================================

SCENE: CRIMINOLOGISTS STUDY. THE CRIMINOLOGIST IS SAT AT THE DESK SEEMINGLY FASCINATED BY A NEWTON'S CRADLE.

CRIMINOLOGIST: With her husband and his lover dead, no idea about where she could hide and drowning in a sea of despair, Betty decided that her only option was to hand herself into the local police. 

======================================================================

SCENE: POLICE STATION RECEPTION. ITS A BIG COUNTER BEHIND WHICH IS SAT BOB THE BORED CLERK. ON THE WALL THERE MAY WELL BE A DENTON PD SIGN UNDER WHICH IS AN UPLIFTING OR IRRITATING MOTTO.

BOB: Hello ma'am, how can I help?

BETTY: Err, I don't know how to put this, but I want to turn myself in. I've killed someone. Two someones. I shot my husband and the woman he was seeing behind my back. The bastard. 

BETTY REACHES INTO HER BAG AND GENTLY PULLS OUT THE GUN BY THE BARREL AND PLACES IT ON THE DESK.

BETTY: This is the weapon I used. Its OK, the safety is on. 

BOB: Err okaaaay. WAVES A NEARBY OFFICER OVER. Dave, come over here please. Today just got a little more interesting. 

DAVE: What's up Bob?

BOB: This lady says she's killed her husband. POINTS AT THE GUN.

DAVE: Okay. Come this way ma'am.

DAVE USHERS BETTY INTO A SIDE ROOM AND STARTS GETTING RELEVANT INFORMATION. SHORTLY AFTERWARDS HE LEADS HER TO THE CELLS. HE GOES TO THE CHIEFS OFFICE TO APPRAISE HIM OF WHATS JUST HAPPENED. HE IS IMMEDIATELY DESPATCHED TO THE POTENTIAL CRIME SCENE.

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SCENE: DARINA KLADY'S SITTING ROOM. DAVE THE POLICEMAN IS STOOD IN THE DOORWAY LOOKING AT THE TWO DEAD PEOPLE. HE GOES FOR HIS WALKIE-TALKIE. 

DAVE: We need to get a crime scene set up here. That lady ain't no joker. We got two deceased by the looks of it so you might wanna send the coroner as well as some forensics guys down.

HE STANDS LOOKING AT THE TWO CORPSES SHAKING HIS HEAD SADLY.

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SCENE: LATE AT NIGHT AND THERE'S FEW PEOPLE ABOUT. FRONT DESK OF THE POLICE STATION. A BORED OFFICER IS MANNING RECEPTION. HE'S DOING A CROSSWORD.

OFFICER: Oh man this is dull. I'm gonna go crazy at this rate. Why the hell did I go for the night shift? Oh well, 12 across: A dead ringer for love maybe. I have no idea. 

HE IS STARTLED WHEN AN OFFICER RUNS IN THROUGH THE MAIN DOORS AND SLAMS THEM SHUT. HE THEN PROCEEDS TO LOCK AND BOLT THE DOOR AND THEN DRAG ANYTHING HE CAN FIND AND PILE THEM UP AGAINST THE DOOR. 

OFFICER: Something up Pete?

PETE: You ain't fucking kidding. There's an army of. ..things marching this way and they don't seem very happy. 

OFFICER: What 'things' are coming here?

PETE: I dunno. It looked like a load of moaning, lurching dead people! HE PAUSES Come to think of it, one of them seemed very...glittery.

OFFICER: What do you mean 'glittery'?

OUTSIDE, THE UNDEAD MOB START HAMMERING ON THE DOOR CAUSING THE POLICEMEN TO RECOIL IN FEAR. THE ZOMBIES WANT IN. THE DOOR DOESN'T LAST LONG. PETE POINTS AT RAGWORT.

PETE: That. That's what I mean. HE RUNS OUT THE BACK, CLOSELY FOLLOWED BY THE DESK OFFICER.

THE ZOMBIE MOB GO TO THE CELLS AND START LOOKING THROUGH THEM FOR BETTY. THEY FIND HER AND TRY TO RIP HER CELL DOOR OFF. FAILING MISERABLY, THEY HUNT ABOUT FOR SOME KEYS, EVENTUALLY FINDING A SET IN THE CHIEF OFFICER'S OFFICE AND GET BACK TO DRAGGING BETTY SCREAMING FROM THE BUILDING.

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SCENE: BY A ROAD IS A LARGE TREE. HANGING FROM A STOUT BRANCH IS THE LATE BETTY HAPSCHATT. A SMALL GROUP OF LOCALS IS STANDING AROUND GAWKING WHILE GOSSIPING ABOUT WHO THEY THOUGHT THE KILLER WAS. A COUPLE OF POLICE CARS PULL UP. OFFICER BOB IS IN THE LEAD CAR. HE GETS OUT AND LOOKS UP AT THE DANGLING MRS HAPSCHATT. DAVE IS IN THE SECOND.

BOB: My lord, what the hell is going on in this town?

DAVE: There's been a good old fashioned lynching, that's what. I honestly have no idea who or what did it though given what broke into the jailhouse last night. All I know is that this place is getting weirder and weirder. 

BOB: Damn straight. Next it'll be a bunch of butt nekkid mermaids in the river or something.

DAVE: Yeah, you wish.

BOB: Well, whatever that was last night, they suuure didn't like Mrs Hapschatt.

DAVE: You ain't wrong there Job.

ANOTHER CAR PULLS UP. THIS ONE'S ALBERT THE CORONER. HE GETS OUT AND GOES OVER TO BOB AND DAVE.

ALBERT: You need me to confirm she's dead?

BOB: Oh har har. Come on, you know we gotta do this properly. Let's set up a crime scene. Dave, round up the gawking locals, Albert, have a nosey around the base of the tree. There may be something the mob left behind: a finger or something. I'm gonna get the scene stuff from the car.

DAVE STARTS TO ROUND UP THE LOCALS AND MOVE THEM AWAY FROM THE HANGING BETTY WHILE BOB STARTS TO GET CRIME SCENE TAPE AND VARIOUS BARRIER COMPONENTS FROM THE BACK OF HIS CAR.

DAVE AND BOB ERECT A SECURITY CORDON TO KEEP THE SLACKJAWED YOKELS AT BAY. FORENSICS ARRIVE AND START THEIR WORK. AS THEY START POTTERING ABOUT THE BASE OF THE TREE A SELF-IMPORTANT DETECTIVE ARRIVES AS DOES THE COUNTY SHERRIFF AND THE DA. AFTER ABOUT HALF AN HOUR THE DA LOOKS UP AT THE BODY.

DA: I suppose it's about time we got her down.

THE ASSEMBLED BODS LOOK UP AND AGREE. THEY SET ABOUT GETTING HER DOWN. WHEN SHES FINALLY FLAT ON THE GROUND THE CORONER GIVES HER A CAREFUL VISUAL EXAMINATION.

CORONER: From the looks of it she was alive when they strung her up and she died from asphyxiation. There's a couple of odd marks on the neck that are at odds with the rope so I'm going to have to get an autopsy done, but it looks pretty straightforward. 

BOB: Cool. Let's bag 'er up and get her to the morgue. 

DAVE GOES TO THE CORONERS CAR AND GETS A BODY BAG FROM THE TRUNK. AS THEY PUT HER IN AND GO TO ZIP IT UP SHE OPENS HER EYES. THE NEWLY UNDEAD BETTY LETS OUT A CRY OF RAGE AND ATTACKS, SCATTERING COPS AND GAWKERS EVERYWHERE.

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SCENE: CRIMINOLOGISTS STUDY. THE CRIMINOLOGIST IS STOOD BY THE GLOBE LOOKING AT IT SADLY. 

CRIMINOLOGIST: Lurking in the corners of every small town, are things that make the most of us frown, people that both me and you, have no idea what they really do, modes and habits that would scare us both, are normal to few and weird to most, and although they make a peculiar sound, its these little things that make the world go round.

HE GIVES THE GLOBE A FINAL SPIN, GOES TO THE DESK AND PICKS UP A BOOK AND GOES TO THE DOOR. HE OPENS IT, TURNS THE LIGHT OFF AND LEAVES, CLOSING THE DOOR BEHIND.

**Author's Note:**

> During the psychic reading scene, Darina mumbles “oh spirit world, please throw up a card that will lead this gullible twit down the wrong path.” At least that’s what I typed into Altavista's Babelfish and had translated into Dutch.


End file.
